Today, while cleaning out a car and placing someone’s belongings into black trash bags, I was overcome with emotion for E2 and her past. I know it seems weird but there are times like these when I realize how over blessed I am by God. It’s times like these I am more than thankful for God bringing this little girl into our lives and showing all of us how much love He has for each of us. It’s times like this, I am led to share. So, here it goes:
Over the past few weeks we have been getting ready to move into a new house. Since gaining E2, the girls have shared a room and we finally found a house where they will each have their own space. While talking about things last night, E2 stated she had never moved like this before. As I thought about it, it’s true, she has never moved in a manner of packing things in boxes in an organized, slow manner.
In her life, moving has always been chaotic and most of the time, running from someone or something. Moving to her wasn’t stated as moving, it was stated as going on a trip and never returning. This was confusing to her and rightfully so. When we had had her for about 2 months, we went on a trip and as we packed, she didn’t understand leaving and not taking everything you could carry in a black trash bag. It broke our hearts to find she had never taken a trip and come back to the same place. Since then, she has been on many trips and returned home!
Now, as we pack our things to get ready for the move, she can finally see how moving is supposed to be. It’s not chaotic, in a rush or running from someone or something. It’s running toward a new place. It’s sad to leave our current place only because of the good memories we had in this place.
It’s her first house that truly became her home. It’s the place where running from has been replaced by running to. It’s a place where, for the past 15 months, she has woke up each morning without the fear of having to run or having someone come and take her from her family. It’s the place where she came in with a few things in black trash bags and leaves with much more in secure boxes. It’s where she has learned and grown so much over the past 15 or so months and taught each of us so much more than she could ever have imagined teaching us. It’s been a place where correction was shown in love and where she began to trust people for the first time. It’s her present, where the past can’t reside and the new house is her future, where hope and love will continue. It’s her time to let go of those black trash bags, partially full of broken toys and hurtful memories and carry out boxes full of her things but most importantly, to walk out with a heart that has been shown love and that shows love in her own way.
I am thankful for her carrying black trash bags into our house and walking out without them. I look forward to our future in our new home and to see each of our 3 kids grow into the young adults God planned to them to be. I am grateful God has blessed us with each of our 3 kids, E1, G & E2 and with the resources to change black bags into suitcases and boxes.